Death by Cellphone. Plus, New Subscription Model!
Now that it's not April Fool's Day
The year: 2017. Sitting in my car, watching onion rings ASMR on YouTube. In a trance I let my head droop further and further and further. My chin approaches my chest. Suddenly my shoulder, neck and side of my face are becoming numb. So is my eye. The hearing in my right ear dims. Off to the emergency room. By the time I was done dealing with this incident and its sequelae I almost died, and probably consumed $1,000,000 worth of medical care at self-pay rates. The cost/benefit of watching the video came out to [ERROR NAN DIVIDE BY 0].
“Text neck” was the problem. Hyperextension of the neck can cause a “vertebral artery dissection” which can kill you. It is among the leading causes of stroke among the population under 45. There are other things that can cause it, all of which are either 1) less idiotic than dangling your head over a screen watching someone eat onion rings, or 2) unavoidable.
But that's not all! Now I'm using speech to text because for the second time I have tendonitis in one hand. From holding the phone. It caused trigger finger, one of the many ways your phone can maim you musculo-skeletally, along with carpal tunnel syndrome, cubital tunnel syndrome, smartphone pinky, and texting thumb.
Cell phone injury statistics also include getting hit in the face by a thrown cell phone. Watch out lest you carelessly and avoidably increase the body count in the Technology Wars.
Amazon.com and Crotchless Health Care?
I reflect on the incredible difficulty of getting quality medical care now, which contributed to my almost dying because of my cell phone. Months of referral wrangling, incorrect records, doctors acting like they are combat medics with two seconds to decide whether you’ll live or die…it would have been much easier to buy a load of cheap flimsy lingerie manufactured (probably by forced labor) in Asia, and have it delivered to my doorstep in two days. Maybe Amazon is onto something. Two day angiograms?
Adam Smith, and the other dead white guys who formed the philosophical foundation for western hyper-capitalism created the narrative that everyone acting in their own best self-interests would result in an equilibrium state ensuring the most “efficient” distribution of resources. Yea, how’s that working out for you?
Which leads me to:
Introducing: tipping, feedback, and subscription models
Exciting news! I wasn’t feeling very appreciated, so I’m giving readers the chance to quantify how much they agree with me. Now you can give me tips!
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There are even more exciting developments in the works. I've introduced a new subscription model rather than having to rely on readers largesse to make me feel appreciated.
I've introduced several subscription tiers, pick the plan that suits you!
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